SHODAN LIVES

"You have just dined, and however scrupulously the slaughterhouse is concealed in the graceful distance of miles, there is complicity."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson (via Pollan’s The Omnivore’s Dilemma)
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Chef Daniel Humm carves a turkey.

Is it weird that I love watching chefs dismember animals?

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Jalapeño-cheddar scones

GREAT.  Now I’m starving.

Jalapeño-cheddar scones

GREAT. Now I’m starving.

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The view from our table at Malibu Seafood.

The view from our table at Malibu Seafood.

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Better BBQ Through Chemistry

“Understanding how the human sense of taste operates can help hosts pick the right thirst quencher to accompany their barbecue. Just as food changes the way wine tastes, one bite of food affects how the next mouthful tastes, said Corriher. Salt tends to suppress bitterness. Similarly, eating or drinking something sweet intensifies the taste of the next mouthful. So, she noted, serving a bitter beer with food swaddled in a sweet barbecue sauce might not work out too well.”

“The flavor chemistry of barbecue varies from region to region. One of the biggest debates among barbecue connoisseurs, for example, involves sauce. Across large swaths of the Midwest, cooks prefer ketchup-based sauces. But in some locales, such as North Carolina, people mix sauces using only vinegar, salt and pepper “and they think it’s an outrage to do anything else,” Corriher said. In some parts of the Southeast, heaven forfend, grillers add mustard to their barbecue sauces.”

Mustard-based sauces are the best.

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Bad ideas are sold by the bag in North Central Florida.

Bad ideas are sold by the bag in North Central Florida.

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I’ve been known to grill some meat in my day.

That grill is like a forge… you could make a battleaxe in there.  Or obliterate some chicken.

I’ve been known to grill some meat in my day.

That grill is like a forge… you could make a battleaxe in there. Or obliterate some chicken.

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J&D’s thinks “everything should taste like bacon.”

And they’re right.

They sell Bacon Salt and Baconnaise.  I’d put both on my sandwich.

J&D’s thinks “everything should taste like bacon.”

And they’re right.

They sell Bacon Salt and Baconnaise. I’d put both on my sandwich.

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Graham Crackers

Deb from smittenkitchen proves that quality food photography makes me hungry no matter how recently I’ve eaten.

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First-World Problems

Zac: damnit
Zac: I just bought some cheezits from the snack machine and the bag was already part way open
Zac: my day is ruined
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Our new grill

Grill

We just assembled our new grill last week, and used it for the first time on Memorial Day. It’s a Kingsford charcoal grill/smoker we got for our wedding. It’s got full cast iron grills and an adjustable-height charcoal tray, as well.

Cast Iron

We made some bratwurst, kabobs (onions, red peppers, and zucchini), potatoes, and some marinated chicken. I’m extremely happy with the results.

(Pardon the ass blurry iPhone pics)

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The Bacon Cheese Baconburger — An amazing tale of “bacon-ey goodness.”


  “To the best of my knowledge, nobody had done this before. I was venturing into uncharted culinary waters. I felt like the Christopher Columbus of bacon.”


Also popular: bacon cereal, the ultimate bacon sandwich.

The Bacon Cheese Baconburger — An amazing tale of “bacon-ey goodness.”

“To the best of my knowledge, nobody had done this before. I was venturing into uncharted culinary waters. I felt like the Christopher Columbus of bacon.”

Also popular: bacon cereal, the ultimate bacon sandwich.

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Patton Oswalt actually tries out the KFC Famous Bowl.  He once called it “a failure pile in a sadness bowl.”

Hilarity ensues:


  “The gravy, which I remembered as being tangy and delicious in my youth, tasted like the idea of blandness, but burned and then salted to cover the horrid taste. The mashed potatoes defiantly stood their ground against the gravy, as if they’d read The Artist’s Way and said, “I’m going to be boring and forgetful in my own potato-y way!” The corn tasted like it had been dunked in fake-corn-flavored ointment, and the popcorn chicken, breaded to the point of parody, was like chewing a cotton sleeve that someone had used to wipe chicken grease off their chin.
  
  The cheese had congealed. Even in the heat and steam of the covered Famous Bowl, it had congealed. I stabbed it with the tines of my spork and it all came up in one piece. I nibbled an edge, had a vision of a crying Dutch farmer, and put it down.”


(For those who don’t know, the Famous Bowl is a bowl of gravy, mashed potatoes, corn, breaded chicken, and cheese.  A plastic bowl of coronary.)

Patton Oswalt actually tries out the KFC Famous Bowl. He once called it “a failure pile in a sadness bowl.”

Hilarity ensues:

“The gravy, which I remembered as being tangy and delicious in my youth, tasted like the idea of blandness, but burned and then salted to cover the horrid taste. The mashed potatoes defiantly stood their ground against the gravy, as if they’d read The Artist’s Way and said, “I’m going to be boring and forgetful in my own potato-y way!” The corn tasted like it had been dunked in fake-corn-flavored ointment, and the popcorn chicken, breaded to the point of parody, was like chewing a cotton sleeve that someone had used to wipe chicken grease off their chin.

The cheese had congealed. Even in the heat and steam of the covered Famous Bowl, it had congealed. I stabbed it with the tines of my spork and it all came up in one piece. I nibbled an edge, had a vision of a crying Dutch farmer, and put it down.”

(For those who don’t know, the Famous Bowl is a bowl of gravy, mashed potatoes, corn, breaded chicken, and cheese. A plastic bowl of coronary.)

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Hunger

Zac: haha, god everything keeps reminding me of food
Zac: look at this VB function signature
Zac: Public Sub web_GetApplicantResume(ByVal applicantID As Integer)
Zac: the first 2 words
Zac: i want a fuckin publix sub right now
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